2 Easiest Ways To Manage Your Anger

OpeningYesterday I realized something important. My decision to break up with my girlfriend was made in the middle of an anger. (I made it in the day before yesterday, I explain it in Decide Wisely page). At that time I was so angry to her. But I'm a person who loose anger easily and quickly. Once my anger was gone, I started to think about my last relationship. I was sad as I thought about what I had given to her in our relationship. I believed that I was not so kind to her, while she was really kind to me. Before I broke up, I kept angry most of the time and she became sad because of it. When I thought about it, I noticed that I always express my anger toward her openly, though I was not a person with aggressive type of anger. Mostly I would be quiet, saying that I'm angry, or leaving her alone.

I started to think deeper as soon as she said that she was sometimes angry to me too, which I never knew before. She always kept it with herself, never openly expressed them. Sometimes I remembered seeing her face became a little bit sad or angry, but when I asked her what's wrong, she always answered "it's okay". This fact made me realized that we had different way in expressing anger. Sometimes I wonder how was her feeling, always keeping such anger and sadness inside.

I knew it would be hard to find someone to replace her. She was not too beautiful, but she was very useful. She can do a lot of things. I also realized that I loved her more than I ever knew. Then I apologized to her, and we got back together. However I did not consider my decision of breaking up is a bad one, as it made me realized many things I never realized before.

Audience, the way of dealing with anger is varied between one and another. There are persons who express their anger openly like me. There are also persons who tend to keep their anger inside for themselves. There are also persons who will go berserk when they angry, rampaging anything in their way. There are also persons who smiles when they angry, and later on doing psychopath revenge. Can you guess where HULK belongs to? :D

Before we go further, let's roll back to the meaning of the topic itself. Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Anger is a very common part of human's life. Getting angry is very human. Sometimes, anger is needed, as it can functions as a protecting behavior in facing threats. Sometime we must be angry, like when we need to protect our rights from being compromised. Your rights reserved :D

However we need to control anger so that it will not escalate out of control. Overflowing anger can ruin many important things, some can get us fired, some can tackle entire company down, some can get us imprisoned for years. Daily stress can lead to anger, that's why we need to be able to manage anger in order to improve ourselves to be someone better. Better person controls anger better.

There are limitations on how far we can go angry. Some anger are considered acceptable, and some other are not. This criteria relates closely on the methods of expressing anger. We have to make sure that our anger expression is acceptable and understandable. Understandable means that we have to make other people understand why we angry, and it's normal for a person in our situation to be angry. Acceptable means we must express our anger in an appropriate way and our suggesting solutions which to be considered. Mostly, when we angry, no matter how we try to talk normally, the tone of our voice will be changed, showing that we are angry. So talking politely when we are angry is a good option. Believe me, swearing and cursing will not help much here, even if you have master degree in those specific fields :D

Keeping anger for our selves inside is not a good idea. This unreleased anger can potentially harm us, physically or mentally. As we angry, our heart beat and blood pressure will increase. Both can make us suffer a critical heart attack. So it's better to check our heart's health before attempting to keep our anger inside. Depression and trauma are also known to be sometimes caused by holding anger. Holding enough amount of anger and you will eventually gain the ability to cry and laugh at the same time :D

Two easiest ways to manage our anger:

First, expressing anger by talking to our trusted person is a great way to control anger. Just find someone that we feel comfortable to talk to, then express all of our anger at once, swear, curse do whatever we want. And we will feel much better. It sounds theoretical but I had proven it myself. Once, in a university field trip, I was angry to someone so much. I did not want to pick an open fight since I had to stay in a room with him for the following month. I hated him so much that I wanted to kill him, literally. Even, my brain had planned on the methods of killing. However I knew that doing such thing would certainly made me a fugitive.

In the middle of the field trip I went away, and not coming back. I did not want my anger to grow bigger as it would eventually put me behind bars. After two months, my anger had not gone yet, but relatively still the same. Every time I remembered about him I grew so much angry. Then one day I decided to talk about it with my girlfriend. I expressed all my anger, my hatred, and my willingness to kill along with my plan. Then, as soon as I finished expressing all my feelings, I felt good. My anger was gone in 60 seconds, or more. After that day my anger did not come back. I felt much much better. I was happy I did not stick to my plan. Why would I do that anyway, he was not worth it. So I continued my life happily.

Second, taking a deep breath is also a good yet simple methods of keeping anger on track. Just take as deepest breath as we can, release slowly, and it will be relatively helpful. in reducing the effect of anger I have tried this myself. though I prefer the first methods. Actually I found this is a natural response toward anger. I sometimes do it unconsciously. However, different person may have different response. Minimum requirements to run this method: still able to breathe :D

Both of the methods above is believed to be the easiest way to control anger, though there are also many other ways of dealing with it. But most of them are too theoretical, meaning that they are easier to explain than to do, especially when we are angry. Some are also too absurd for me. However this is my personal response. Nevertheless if you have big big problems in dealing with your anger, and it starts to threaten a critical matter with gigantic strategic importance in your life, never hesitate to consult an expert. Control them before they control you. The anger, not the expert :D

Last but not least, being patient is not getting rid of anger, since no human are able to do that. Being patient is keeping anger on track. Good day.